Autism Birthday Parties Aplenty

When your child is on the more severe end of the autism spectrum, social engagement invitations are not overflowing in your mailbox.  Which, quite frankly, is just fine with me.  When he was in Pre-K we got many of the obligatory invitations in which they must invite every child in their class to a party if they invite anyone.  Me chasing after him and trying to get him to interact in any birthday party activities that he could have cared less about while strangers are watching and he is just getting more overwhelmed with the loudness of the amount of children running around...well just sounds like a super fun time for all involved!!

However, we have a great group of families that we met starting four or five years ago through our support group that have become great friends.  Getting invitations to their kids birthday parties are like a big score....autism friendly birthday parties ROCK, at least for Bobby and his peers!!

Somehow, Bobby ended up with invitations to birthday parties for the past four weeks in a row.  I know, he is turning into quite the social butterfly.  Even though they are autism friendly parties, there are still some struggles that are unique to each special needs child that attends.

Our first birthday party of the month was not for a child with autism, but for the younger sibling of a child with autism who has had all these "quirky" children hanging around him all of his life.  He is used to them, like it or not.  When his mother invited Bobby to his party, I decided that we would only come to the second half of the party.  To another autism mom, this is totally normal and OK, no explanation needed.

Why wasn't I taking him to the entire party?  He had been to this particular facility numerous times and I was 100% sure that Bobby would be throwing a fit until he got to the swimming pool since he knew that it was there.  He would not have played nicely in the gym area and could care less about basketball.  He also doesn't care to sit and watch someone open their presents and eat cake.  Nope, all he would want would be SWIMMING!!!!

I was right, as soon as I pulled into the parking lot he started, "in the pool...in the pool...in the pool." He got out of the car and walked nicely with me to the building and he was stripping his shirt off the closer that we got so that he could be ready as soon as we opened the door.

The aspect of this birthday party that was the easiest.....buying a present for the birthday boy.  After all, this was for a typical child who likes to play with toys.  This was a breeze.  A new soccer ball, nerf ball, frisbee and I know that he will use them and wear them out.  Bobby played happily, by himself, in the pool while there were other kids running around from the pool to the hot tub to the pool mostly playing together.  Bobby had a GREAT time!!!

The following week's birthday party was for a girl who is also on the autism spectrum.  Historically, she has not wanted to open any presents or participate in a typical birthday party, very similar to Bobby.  Her mom decided to have a small party at a local park that is on her, as well as Bobby's, list of acceptable places to play.  The party was scheduled for right after school because there would be the best chance that the park would be empty while most people are getting home from school and having dinner before getting out for the evening to play.  One of the other invited guests ended up being sick, so the party list ended up being Bobby and the birthday girl, which was PERFECT for both children involved.

As moms in this specific situation, we often wonder what to do...celebrate or not celebrate?!  Is it for the kids or for the moms?  But, I'm pretty sure that you could ask this question over many other kids birthday parties today.  However, this case isn't the same thing.  This isn't a mom trying to out do another mom, this is just a mom trying to make her child's birthday special.  This definitely was not in the mommy handbook that we read while we were pregnant...what to do if your special needs child does not want to celebrate anything.  We instead have to look to our fellow special needs families and our children's behavioral therapists.  Yes, we sometimes even have to add "opening a present" to their behavioral programs....yes, we have to teach some of our children how to open a present.  If we don't bother with these things when they are young, they may never get it.  So we soldier on and try to plan a zero stress party for our children and hope beyond all hope that it is at least a little successful and that we don't end up going home after the party and cry our eyes out because our child hated every second of the party that was planned in their honor.

I am so pleased to announce that the party was a huge success!!!  The birthday girl and Bobby both had fun!!  No tears shed, no fits thrown....just a small intimate party for the two of them and a third guest that included a little boy that was almost 3, who came to play at the park, that had a super fun time.

As for a gift for the birthday girl, books were the obvious option.  She picks out a book from her collection every day and carries that one book around with her all day long.  I picked out a few that I thought that she might like and put them into a gift bag so that she could look in and not have to unwrap anything.  Her mom told me later that I scored with the Baby Einstein Halloween book that I picked out.  Even better news, she opened wrapped gifts on her actual birthday without any fits!! Whoo Hoo!!

The birthday party for the following week was for one of our support group kids that has Fragile X Syndrome, which is on the autism spectrum.  Bobby really enjoyed his birthday party last year because it was at a gymnastics center and they got to jump on trampolines for two hours.  This year the party was at an outdoor retreat area.  The scheduled activities included a bonfire to make s'mores, a hayride, pumpkin painting, playground area and food.  I wasn't sure how well Bobby would do at the party, but I knew that he would love the hour long ride to get to the party.  The fact that the trees were in full color was just an added bonus for the drive.

When I parked the car he could hardly wait for me to open the door.  There was a pond and Bobby was in heaven.  He went right over and parked himself in the grass with Mommy right beside him.

He kept sliding down closer and closer to the water and trying to get in and I would have to verbally prompt him back to sit beside me.  We did this for almost an hour.  One of my autism mom friends came over and sat with us to talk.  Bobby never went over to the birthday boy to say "Happy Birthday" or "thanks for inviting me" or any of those social requirements and the birthday boy didn't expect them or come over and say "thanks for coming to my party" or any of those social requirements.  This is what I really love about taking Bobby to autism kid birthday parties, social norms are pretty much thrown out the door....how much they are thrown out depends on the functioning level of the child and how much the parents are using the time as a teaching lesson.  Kids that are higher functioning will be working on these behaviors much more.

Then the parents announced that the hay ride would be starting soon.  I didn't know whether or not Bobby would like the hay ride or if I was going to try and then I realized that this was the perfect place to try.  If I needed to stop the hay ride to get him off, everyone there would completely understand.  I asked him if he wanted to go on a hay ride and I got zero response.  Then I changed my approach to something that he knew, "Do you want to go mow grass?"  He jumped right up and walked over to the tractor.  He was about ready to climb on the tractor drivers' lap, so I redirected him to the back.  The result....he LOVED the hay ride.  We stayed on and took the second trip too. Each hay ride was fairly long, 15-20 minutes long and Bobby was calm and happy for both rides.

This party was perfect for Bobby, and the birthday boy, a couple of hours spent enjoying nature. They didn't have to join in games.  There were activities set up if they wanted to participate or even if you wanted to take it home to complete.  But there is was no pressure put on the kids to do anything unless they wanted to.  It was so much fun to watch Bobby be so happy at a brand new place.

I knew that he would enjoy the final birthday party of the month.  Why?  This party is an annual tradition.  The birthday boy likes the same party every year....a swimming party.  Every October for the past 4 or 5 years, we have been going to a swimming birthday party for one of the boys that we met through our support group.

One great thing about this being the same each year, the kids know exactly what to expect...swimming, just swimming.  No games, no prizes, no food or drinks....just swimming.  Get in and have fun kids!!!  This was also an exciting year, because NONE of the parents from our support group had to get into the water with the kids.  They are all full fledged swimmers!!!  Yay kids!!

One particular reason that there is no cake at this child's party....he can't stand to hear the song "Happy Birthday."  For some unknown reason, the song upsets him tremendously and it takes him quite a while to get himself calmed down.  A super fun problem when you go to a restaurant because you just NEVER know when they are going to bring out a cake and start singing to a guest.  It is also fun to explain this to someone who just does not understand autism.

To all of my autism friends that invited Bobby to their child's birthday parties....Thank You!!  I can honestly say, he had a GREAT time!!!!