The Reason I Jump....book review

The first time I saw this book come across the screen on one of the facebook autism sites that I follow, I knew that I needed to get a copy.  I put it on my Christmas list and it magically appeared under the Christmas tree and I opened it up on Christmas morning.

I got around to picking it up yesterday afternoon.  It only takes two hours, give or take, to read it from cover to cover.  I didn't want to finish it all in one sitting, so I put it down and finished it this morning. When I started reading, I confess that it wasn't what I was expecting or wanted it to be.

I had this same disappointment when I started reading another book written by a person with autism, Carly Fleischmann's book Carly's Voice.  Carly's book was actually written by her father with only the last chapter being actually written by Carly.  HOWEVER, yes it's a big however, I learned more about autism in that one chapter written by a nonverbal person with severe autism than from the other hundreds of books and articles that I had read on the topic.  If you haven't read this one either, please get a copy and read what she has to say, it's totally worth your time and money.

I just LOVE this girl.  I follow her on facebook and have such maternal pride for her as she started her first year of college this year and is campaigning to be a Cover Girl model in an ad campaign featuring special needs girls to show that they are beautiful, model worthy girls too!!!

OK, back to The Reason I Jump.....in this book Naoki Higashida answers questions pertaining to autism that people have asked him.  Not sure really what I wanted from this 13 year old non-verbal boy, but a Q & A wasn't it when I started reading.  But of course, he got to me.  I needed to take a break from reading because I didn't want the information that I was getting from him about my own child to end.

The thing about this book, it is how HE answers these questions, and I have definitely have learned over the years that no two people with autism, just like no two other people, are the same.  However, he and Carly have pretty much the same message...even though they can't speak, they hear us, they understand a lot, and they want to learn.

Yesterday was a harder day for Bobby.  The Christmas excitement and activities are over.  It was raining and cold outside and he was bored.  He kept saying "go play" OVER AND OVER ALL DAY LONG (which means go outside and play)...you know, to the point that you want to pull your hair out.  The day before was warmer and sunny so Bobby got to play outside for a couple of hours.  Daddy finally gave in, bundled Bobby up and took him play in the cold, foggy, wet, damp, yucky to the rest of us outside.  Bobby came back inside completely calm and happy and the rest of the evening was MUCH better.

After Bobby came back in from playing I continued reading some of my new book.  I got to question 45, "Why do you enjoy going out for walks so much?"  In his answer he states, "But to us people with special needs, nature is as important as our own lives.  The reason is that when we look at nature, we receive a sort of permission to be alive in this world, and our entire bodies get recharged.  However often we're ignored and pushed away by other people, nature will always give us a good big hug, here inside our hearts."  Now, those who know Bobby and have been following Bobby's World for a while, know that this is 100% true for Mr. Bobby.  To have someone else in his similar situation put it into words....priceless to this Mommy!!

He even goes on to address this further in question 47, "Would you give us an example of something people with autism really enjoy?"  Towards the end of his answer, he states, "Nature calms me down when I'm furious, and laughs with me when I'm happy.  You might think that it's not possible that nature could be a friend, not really.  But human beings are part of the animal kingdom too, and perhaps us people with autism still have some leftover awareness of this, buried somewhere deep down.  I'll always cherish the part of me that thinks of nature as a friend."

4 year old Bobby hanging out with friends!!

This book is not all about nature, these two questions just absolutely related to the moment.  Let me give you another example of how he answers a completely different topic with an answer that I never expected.  Question 56, "Do you need visual schedules?"  In his answer he says ".....please don't use visual things like pictures on our schedules, because then the activities on the schedules, and their times and timings, get imprinted too vividly onto our memories.  And when that happens, we end up stressing ourselves over whether what we are doing now is or isn't matching up with what was on the schedule.  In my case, I end up checking the time so often that I'm no longer able to enjoy what I am doing."  He ends the full answer by saying, "...being shown photos of places we're going to visit on an upcoming school trip, for example, can spoil our fun."  

The depth of insight and thought that a nonverbal boy is able to convey through his writing is mind blowing.  What is going on inside my own child's head?  This book is one of those things that you come across that makes you think differently about how you respond to and act in front of your child with autism.  

Naoki didn't give me all of the answers that I wanted.  Not sure why I thought that a 13 year old boy could!  I just had to step back and take his answers for what they are....his answers.  After all, I can't explain to you why I like bananas and my brother doesn't or why he likes eggs and I don't.  We could go into textures and smells and blah blah blah, but the answer for me is it just the way it is. Understanding why the brain makes this true doesn't change the way that it is.  I will NEVER like eggs, plain and simple.  My brother will NEVER like bananas, plain and simple.  

His insights in the last question, #58 "What are your thought on autism itself?"  Within his response he says, "....as a result of all the killings in the world and the selfish planet-wrecking that humanity has committed, a deep sense of crisis exists........Although people with autism look like other people physically......We are more like travelers from the distant, distant past.  And if, but our being here, we could help the people of the world remember what truly matters for the Earth, that would give us a quiet pleasure."

I am trying to learn these lessons from Bobby.  Bobby doesn't hate or judge people, he doesn't make fun of or talk about people, he doesn't look at the color of someone's skin or their sexual orientation, he doesn't care about how much money a person makes or what job they have, celebrity means nothing to Bobby.  The celebrity rock stars in Bobby's World are the people who take time to help him learn, now matter how long it takes.  They are the people who treat him with kindness and respect.  Take Bobby for a walk or jump on the trampoline with him and you are all kinds of special in his eyes.

If you want a glimpse into the mind of a person with autism, check out The Reason I Jump or Carly's Voice even better yet, read both!!   You are not going to get all of the answers, but you will have better insight.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Historically Christmas has not ended up being the most wonderful time of the year in Bobby's World. It has been just plain old overwhelming for him and disappointing for Mommy and Daddy.  It's hard to watch as something that is that is supposed to be magical, exciting, special and full of joy for children be just the opposite for your child.

This year was different!!!!  For the first Christmas of Bobby's life......he enjoyed it!!  Our beautiful boy had fun.  ZERO behavioral issues.  NO CHRISTMAS MELTDOWNS.....the greatest gift that this Mommy ever has received.

We added a new activity to our pre-Christmas agenda this year.  Grandma Carolyn, Aunt Mimi and Mommy took Bobby to Morris Park in Fairmont  to drive through their Christmas light display.

 FYI....it's very difficult to get decent pictures of Christmas lights in a moving car!!

 One of my favorite displays because it reminds me of Bobby....a gingerbread man jumping on a trampoline.  He and Bobby would be the best of friends!!

This was the overwhelming favorite of all of us in our car.....the ice skaters.  I'm not 100% sure, but I think that the adults enjoyed looking at the lights even more than Bobby!!

We did something a little different in regards to gifts this year for Bobby.  To help alleviate some of the overwhelmingness of Christmas morning, we gave him some of his gifts little by little starting at Thanksgiving.

An Elmo Christmas light display.  Bobby opened it right up and wanted it out of the box.  We added Elmo to our back porch decorations so that Bobby could see him all of the time.

The next gift came on a Saturday evening when Bobby was B.O.R.E.D.  I got out a DVD from his Santa stash, wrapped it up and presented it to him.  Again, he immediately sat down and opened it up.

He watched it multiple times and his evening was saved.   The next gifts made it out for the beginning of Christmas break when he was again.....bored.

Daddy and I were getting super excited by this point because Bobby opened each gift immediately and was interested in all of his gifts.  The kinetic sand kept him entertained for three days!!!!

We finally made it to Christmas eve and were off to our traditional dinner and gift exchange at Grandma's house.  This year was a packed house.  13 people in total expected......gave me a little bit of panic that Bobby would not be able to tolerate this much family together time.  We ended up staying at Grandma's for almost 5 hours.  5 HOURS!!  No meltdowns, no crying, no hitting, no anything bad!!  Bobby even let me pose him for some pictures!!

Bobby and Grandma

Bobby's cousins, Ashley and Kait with Grandma.  Yes, Grandma was in her glory with everyone home.

 Thankfully, my family "gets" Bobby.  There are no family rules or expectations that he is expected to follow during family get togethers.  For me and my family, this is not the time or place to work on eating issues.  So for Bobby, his Christmas Eve dinner was Cheese-its and french fries.  He even got to stand up instead of sitting down at a table set for 10.  No added pressure needed for Bobby when he is in a house full of people.

For a special dinner treat, a glass or two of Grandma's iced tea (yes, I regretted this decision when he was awake from 2-5 am)!!!!  The rest of us had prime rib, shrimp scampi, salad, green beans, asparagus, baked potato and broccoli casserole.  (FYI, I just put the food list so that we would remember for next  year...it's amazing that you don't remember this a year later!!).

After dinner was over and the dishes were washed, the party moved into the living room for gifts. Again, Bobby obliged and had some family pictures taken.

Bobby with Me Me Me (Aunt Mimi).....

When Bobby was presented with a gift, he sat down and opened it up!!  

 He even opened Daddy's gift...

After the gifts were open and half of the guests left, Daddy and I even got to sit down and play a game with the family.

We left soon after to get home and get ready for Santa's arrival.  Bobby was wired from drinking so much iced tea.....

Yes, apparently you just go ahead and drink from the pitcher.  Make sure to get every last drop!!  He finally fell asleep and we went back downstairs to see if Santa had arrived....he did and Zoi was making sure that the gifts were protected!!!

 Zoi did a good job, the gifts were still there when Bobby came downstairs.

For the first time ever, he sat down and started opening.  We didn't have to eat breakfast first, we didn't have to give any prompting, he just sat down and started opening.  

He did this until they were all opened.  After all of his gifts were opened, he helped out Zoi and opened hers...

I just can't even get over this!!  Who is this kid opening all of these gifts??!!!  He didn't stop there, he opened Mommy's gifts too!

 I wonder what he is thinking....."Poor Mommy gets pajamas and slippers....No toys!"

He made it through the pile of gifts to be opened and settled down to eat some breakfast.  A true Christmas morning mess was made and Mommy and Daddy could not have been happier.

 Zoi's worn out, but not too worn out to help Bobby eat his toast.....

Time for Mommy to clean up the mess and for Bobby to start playing with his new toys.

After a little rest it was time to prepare brunch for our Christmas Day company.  Grandma, Uncle Tom, Ashley and Kait arrived to eat and exchange the rest of our gifts.

Bobby was too excited playing with his new toys to sit down and eat, plus he already had breakfast. I was just happy that he was playing with his new things, he didn't have to let them hang around the house for a couple of months until they were old and part of his landscape.

Time to open the rest of the gifts!!!!  Of course, Bobby first....

 Bobby's music teacher from school told me to get that boy a guitar!!  I know NOTHING about guitars.  With a little help we found that you order them from online music stores for comparable prices to the toys ones that are sold in the toy departments.

 He looks like he knows what he is doing, but none of us know how to help him!!  LOL!!  He seems to really like it and has spent a lot of time playing with it, but he prefers it laying on the floor while he strums.

Bobby let me take more pictures of him with his cousins....

We had to give Grandma one of her gifts backwards because Bobby had helped himself earlier and opened it too!!  Guess that I won't be able to leave any wrapped gifts hanging around anymore!!  LOL!!  I would rather have this problem than him not want to open any gifts.

Bobby's cousins, my nieces, did a great job of getting gifts for Bobby.  Kait got him cool fidget that I personally have been playing with since it was opened too.  FYI, a fidget is a something that persons with sensory processing disorder use to keep their hands and mouth occupied so that they aren't chewing on clothing, picking at furniture, etc.  Bobby especially likes these types of things in his hands while riding in the car.

Ashley was ordering some road signs while at work and thought.....PERFECT gift for Bobby....I can order him his own stop sign!!  Another FYI....Bobby is fascinated with and loves road signs.

It also has a post for Daddy to put Bobby's stop sign in our playground....as soon as the ground warms up.  Bobby finished opening up the gifts....

All of the gifts were opened, brunch was over and we were all worn out.  Bobby was playing with his toys but the rest of the crew vegged out in front of the tv for a while....

Bobby wanted to go for a "ride in car" as since he had been so awesome, we obliged and took him for a small ride for him to veg out too.  Grandma said that she wanted to go to Oglebay Resort and see their Festival of Lights while her granddaughters were still here, have some family fun.  We decided that we would go Christmas evening and if we were going to go, we should leave soon.  The boys declined the invitation to go and opted to stay on the couch and watch tv and they had plenty of leftovers for dinner.  The girls and Bobby loaded in the car and headed north.  We decided that we would stop and eat on the way.  BAD IDEA....not even a McDonald's open for dinner.  We had our Christmas dinner at Sheetz!!  You know, these crazy things are what make memories that last a lifetime.

We made it to Oglebay, drove around and saw the lights.  We had an hour + drive home, perfect for Bobby.  Got home and ready for bed.  We had the perfect Christmas.  We could not have asked for a more perfect holiday.  Hopefully this is just the beginning of a lifetime full of great Christmas's.